In God's Hands....

As I walked in circles around my house this afternoon praying for my family who was inside, I turned my attention to my overgrown garden from this past summer.  From where I was standing it was a mess, there was no possible way at this point in the game to get any type of edible harvest out of that disaster of a garden!  As I got closer and really focused on the actual plants that were there, instead of everything else growing up around it, something caught my eye.  I saw the largest, most amazing prize winning Jalapeno I've ever seen in my life!  I couldn't understand for the life of me how in the midst of  all the thorns, weeds, and rotting plants all around it, this pepper managed to continue growing, and became exactly what it was meant to be.  Never once, since July, have I been out there to water it, weed it, or even check on it.  It was left completely in God's hands as to whether or not it would thrive.  And that's when it hit me...

As my children were "quietly" playing in their room this afternoon, they had managed to sneek the baby powder past me into their room.  Here I thought they were playing well and really getting along, but what they were really playing was who could look more like their "Nanna"  (my 95 year old great-grandma).  When I heard them say "I look just like Nanna now!"  I knew....  As I rounded the corner and saw my 4 oldest children completely white from head to toe, I thought, "well that's not anything a bath can't solve."   I told them all to get in the tub, and went back into their room to find a white powdered mess!!  From what I can understand Sweet-pea (2) was standing on the doll house making it "snow."  And snow it did.  Everything from toys, to blankets, to clothes, walls, beds, are covered!!  This is where my anger began to get the best of me and I had to take further steps to not allow that.  So I put the air purifier in there, and locked and closed the door.   Out of sight, out of mind right?  Hardly!

You see last night, my husband and I had started reading the book "Praying Circles around your Children"  together and began praying for our children together.  The book was great and talked about how we will make mistakes as parents but prayer covers a multitude of sins!  How we have to just lift up our children in prayer and that is the most important thing in their lives.  And the minute those prayers left our mouths last night for each of our children, it was like Satan himself stepped into our house and tried to completely destroy us.

Now I know you are thinking "wow all this over a little powder?"  NO, not a little powder.  A LOT of powder!!  And not just this one incident, it has been several recently, this was just the icing on the cake.  The attitudes that came from our children as we talked to them about what they did and there was no remorse, just I don't care attitudes, was devastating to me.

After bath time I made the little ones lay on the couch and the big girls sat in a chair in the corners to think about what they did.  We ate lunch, and then it was nap time.  Two were in my bed, and two on the couch, while I sat in the hallway trying to figure out what to do.  I made three trips back outside and around our house praying over it and my family and asking for wisdom and patience.  I felt my head beginning to explode and tears running down my face, I began to pray even harder!  "What was I doing wrong?  Why can't I get through to them?  Why would you give me this many children when I can't raise them the way I am supposed to?  How am I supposed to be a gentle parent when they do things like this?  You don't know how this feels your son was perfect!"  That is when I saw the Jalepeno....

"Yes my son was perfect but I allowed his blood to be shed to cover your imperfections, the way I see you is the same way I see him, because you are under his blood."

 hmmm....  "I'm sorry Lord, forgive me"

"This Jalapeno was left in my hands to do what I wanted to do with it, and even in the midst of the weeds, and storms I still protected it, and allowed it to become exactly what it was supposed to be."

"your right Lord, I just need to leave them in your hands!  again, please forgive me!"    

The answer was that easy!  I guess I just take my children's behavior way too personal.  My desire for them to have a soft heart and love each other and live for Christ is not something I can make them do...but I can teach them and pray that they will do it.  And  that is what I realized today...I need to pray without ceasing in all circumstances no matter what!!

It's amazing the lessons that I learn from my children's mistakes, I just hope that they will learn lessons from my mistakes as well.  I told someone the other day I feel like I'm walking blindly...well I guess I kinda am, I'm placing them in God's hands and praying that he will help me to be the mom they need, and that in the midst of storms, and weeds, he will allow my children to grow up to meet their purpose in life...Living for Him.

In the meantime, they will be spending the day cleaning up their mess in their room.  In the past I've helped them with their messes like this, but I believe that now it is time they start to learn how hard it is to clean up their messes.

The Joy of the Lord.....

So last night I was so excited for my  husband to go on his men's retreat with the church today that I could not sleep at all!  I tossed and turned all night long!  I went through my list of things I needed to wash for him, pack for him and put together for him to take, and I racked my brain on how his back is going to be comfortable in those horrible mattresses on the bunks there.  I prayed all night asking God to give him relief from his pain while he was on his trip. All this week he has had major back pain and started having muscle spasms in the upper part of his back.  He ended up at the doctor and was put on yet another medication.  I really felt this was a spiritual attack since God knew Nathan really needed to get away and be refreshed and spend time with him.  But we pushed through with prayer and he left for his retreat this afternoon.

While I was up last night I also read a bit in my new book I just got.  "Created to be his Help Meet"  by Debi Pearl.  The chapter I read last night was on having the Joy of the Lord.  This is really something I struggle with badly.  When Nathan and I first met I was a fire cracker!  I was happy, joyful all the time always laughing and smiling, and now seven in a half years later life has taken some of that joy away.  I still feel joy in my heart, we have a great life together and are very blessed, however; I just don't take the time to make that joy end up on my face much.  I am SUCH a "martha" now days.  It's been so hard for me the last few months to just sit down and enjoy time with God, or just be joyful in things.  I've felt like our lives have been on this strict time table and my motto has been for the last six months, "I just have to get this finished!"  But nothing ever is finished, there is always more to do every minute of my life!  This book made me realize that I want to be a gentler person.  I was to speak gently to my children and not harshly, I want to discipline them with a gentle spirit and not in anger.  I want to be a gentle wife for my husband, I want to be a good happy inviting person overall.

So that was my goal this weekend while Nathan was gone.  We (me and the girls) will be praying for him while he is there, and also praying that God will help us have the joy of the Lord for when he gets back.

Already tonight I have had several tests!  The minute Nathan walked out of the house I decided to start prepping the kitchen to make dinner for me and the girls.  I put something up on the counter and before I knew it the HUGE jar of pickles that was sitting there fell onto the floor and shattered to pieces!!  Normally, because Nathan is such a through person, he is the one who cleans up broken glass.  I can never get it all picked up and fear I will leave some behind and the girls will get hurt.  So I picked up all the large pieces but because of the pickle juice all over the place I could not get the smaller pieces.....so I laid towels down all over that part of the floor to soak up the juice...and that's where they stayed......... now I'm not sure what to do.  If I pick up the towels they could have glass all over them so do I throw them away??  UGH!!

So then I took the girls outside to play for a while.  They had a blast.  While we were out there I decided to try an experiment.  I spoke Pumpkin's name very gently and quietly and she immediately turned and said yes?  I was surprised!  So I tried Hobble-bobble's name, and again she looked at me and said "yes mommy?"  again shocked!!  So Little Bear was the big test since she can ignore me a ton!  And she looked right at me and said "yes?"  WOW!!  So I waited a few minutes and tried it in a harsh tone. First Pumpkin....she just kept jumping and didn't respond.  Then Little bear...again kept jumping and no response....and lastly Hobble-bobble...still no response!

So as we try to change our hearts this weekend and our voices, and our faces ;)  please keep our family in your prayers!!  I want nothing but joyfulness coming out of my children's lives, and I want my husband to be excited to come home to a joyful, pleasant wife!

Safely Home...

As I read through my Evangelism text books a few weeks ago, there was a quote in there from the book Safely Home by Randy Alcorn.  I was immediately intrigued since I recognized that book as being on my "to read" list for a good year now.  So I checked the price on Amazon for my kindle and then I decided to check the library and see if they had it for kindle.  THEY DID!!  I was ecstatic since usually I cannot find many digital books that I like at the library.  So I downloaded it for my 21 days and for the last 21 days I have read that book like it was on fire!  Normally, while I am doing classes it takes me a good month or two to read a book, but not this time!

The book tells the story of a Chinese man, living in China, who was persecuted for his faith.  While the story is fiction, it is very hard not to read this book without feeling convicted in one way or another.  Here are chinese people thursty for the word of God, and unable to own a bible without being arrested.  These people will sit by candle light copying by hand the bible, in order to pass it along to other believers.  At one point a scene from the book reminded me of a scene in the book Radical by David Platt.  They were having an under-ground siminary.  They sat for hours reading the word of God.  they didn't have air conditioning, they didn't have running water, hardly enough food for everyone.  Some of the people walked for 7 days to get there to study God's word.  In David Plat's book Radical  I remember him asking the simple question, "is God enough?"

Is God enough for me?  Do I need fancy chairs, emotional services, programs, fancy clothes, and high heels just to go to church and worship God?  Personally, I would prefer not!  For me it's the music that always moves me.  I love having great worship before great preaching. I love the emotional over whelming feeling that God is moving in a service.  But...when that doesn't happen...is God and his word still enough for me?

Would I walk 7 hours just to sit on a hard floor, knee to knee with strangers, by candle light and listen to someone read me the bible line by line  (not just from 10-12) for 24 hours!  Could I live a life like this and still walk around with a smile on my face because I KNOW that THIS is not my home?

Is God Enough?  Do I have to have a church to make me feel the presence of God?  Do I have to have a bigger home, is that really that important (no) to have more space when these people are living joyfully in ONE ROOM houses!

My answer...YES!  God is enough for me! I do not need anything fancy in order to be happy.  God has blessed me with many things and for that I am grateful!

In the story Li Quan, ends up getting arrested and beaten in jail.  He prays and asks God to give him a ministry in the jail.  He ends up cleaning all the human waste off  the floors in the jail cells.  As he does this he tells the other prisoners about Yesu (Jesus).  He recites to them scripture from memory word for word.  One by one prisoners and even some of the guards came to Christ.

This story really touched my heart.  It was really eye opening to see that people in other countries are being tortured for the sake of Christ, and here in america we are more worried about sitting in the same seat on a Sunday morning than getting out of our seats and telling people about Christ!  I'll be the first one to say that over the years, since I have been a stay at home mom I have lost some of my boldness to share Christ like I used to.  So my prayer is that God will continue to equip me to share his word, and that he will start little by little putting people in my path that need to hear about Christ.

When is the last time you told someone about Christ?

I highly recommend that you read this book....Actually do not go get it at the library...I recommend that you BUY the book.  WHY?  All proceeds from that book go to help get the word of God, and bibles to China.  So If God hasn't put someone in your path to share with in a while, buy the book and send a bible to china!


Favorite Quotes from the Book:

"Remember the most common cause of stumbling is the fear of man.  It is God we must fear, not men.  You  must learn to stand boldly for your Lord, regardless of what men may think of you."

"Never forget Yesu (Jesus) is King, Never forget your home is in another world.  Never forget your father will be waiting to see you again"

"most trouble comes not from atheists who say there is no God, but from those who adopt strange ideas because of no training in shengjing (bible)"

"Wife and husband must be more than lovers.  Must be comrades, soldiers fighting side by side for same great cause.  Ming's mother say, "Wife and husband should not only lie down face-to-face, but stand up shoulder to shoulder."  They must face together the worst Mogui (satan) can do to them.  And when they draw strength of Yesu (Jesus), he bind them together"

"Even a bad father can leave an inheritance.  Only a good father can leave a heritage."

"A path is made by people walking on the ground.  My father walked the path before me and his father before him and his before him.  I pray my son will walk it after me.  So I ask my old roommate a question- what path are you walking for your children to follow?"

"Some money is counterfeit.  Does that mean that you no longer believe in money?

"Martyrs are not only those who die, but all who suffer for the Name."

"Real Gold fears no fire"

"To me, America is strange.  Each person acts as if his life begins and ends with himself"

"The enemy seeks to accuse us that we are not what we are.  But just as surely, he seeks to assure us we are what we are not."

"Believers comfort each other in their suffering by the truth that there is a God.  Communists comfort each other in their prosperity by the myth that there is no God.  So atheism is the real wishful thinking"

"Because every man trusts someone.  If he does not trust Yesu (Jesus), he trusts other men or he trusts himself ."

"we are accountable to Him, He is not accountable to us."

"I refuse to believe in a God who sends men to hell."  "And do you think your refusal to believe will convince God to change his nature?"

"if you are looking for a religion centered around yourself, Ben, I must agree that Christianity is a poor choice"

~Randy Alcorn  "Safely Home"

Baby #6 ????

Naaaaa.......Crazy last few days!  So we had our first false alarm this week, we've never had quite an experience like this.  Most people have two questions that they eventually ask us, (1) "are you gonna try for the boy?"  and (2) "Do you use birth control?"  Well here are those answers for the entire world to see..  (1) we have never tried for any child we have, they have all been given to us graciously, and (2) no we do not use the pill.  These two things are very difficult for people to swallow because America is about convenience and it's never convenient to have five children in seven years!  All my life I've heard about having "peace and quiet" and "relaxing" and "having ME time"  and well...who knows maybe this is my way of being rebellious; with five children you don't get any of that, but it's still great!!  So this week I was late...I began to get a little scared because I'm NEVER late unless....  So sent Nathan to CVS and took a test...it looked negative but I could see a light blue line that would make it positive.  So...I took the second one...same thing but a little darker.  So yes...I began to go pregnancy test nutty and bought like one of each type and took about 7 in one day!  All the rest were negative!!  2 (lightly positive) and 5 negative!  I just couldn't understand it!  So I waited till the next morning and took another...negative...the next morning...negative!!  It was making me crazy!  So finally I was able to positively say this morning that we had two false positives and I pray that I never have to go through that again!   What a horrible trick to play on people, especially when it's baby #6 and you have to start preparing right away because 8 people means: 12 passenger van, larger kitchen table, moving the kids into the master bedroom so they all fit in the house....it's a lot of preparation!   I do have to say I did feel sad when I finally found out it was negative, even though life would be outrageously crazy if that did happen again so soon...well it would be outrageously wonderful too to be blessed with another mini-Cooper!  They are all so great!!  However having a little break is more than okay with me right now, but If God decides the time has come for #6 I will be more than thrilled!

So Friday was Hobble-bobble's 3rd birthday!  That girl is just the sweetest kid ever!!  She is obsessed with Veggie Tales; Larry Boy in particular!  We are completely running out of Veggie Tales toys to get her for her birthday's and Christmas!  Hopefully they will come out with more later.  So this year for her...she doesn't get a huge party...we invited a few of our friends over next saturday for a cook out but other than that...we had cupcakes and gave her gifts as a family.

Friday was also the Homeschool Convention.  It was awesome!  The used book sale this year wasn't as great as the last few years but we did get more time to check out all the vendors this year and the last two years we have not.  The girls really enjoyed it this year, they met a few homeschool children who were their age but in a family of 8 kids!  They really liked the music booth where they could try out violins and instruments.  Nathan and I bought a parent package from www.doorposts.com while we were there.  It is amazing stuff!  I've always said that If only I had a step by step program that told me how to discipline for what offense, I'd be great!!  That is exactly what this is!!!  I'm so beyond excited.  It's a book that is split up by offense, when a child lies, steals, is selfish, disobedient etc.. you open it to that page and read scripture to your child about that subject and why it's not good to do.  They also have a chart to put on the wall that tells the child what their consequences are for certain crimes.  We started out doing this today, we still have to work out a few kinks with it but so far so good!  By the end of the day it was "here comes mom and dad with the bible book again!"  lol   but they are getting it and we are able to discipline the way we've always wanted to through prayer and scripture, it's been great!

So today, we woke up early and cleaned up the house.  The girls and Nathan helped me in the living room, and hallway, and then I started on the girls room while they ate lunch.  When we were finished they all went down for quiet time while Nathan worked on tightening and replacing screws on the swing set outside, and I started packing for the pool.  I laid out swimming suits, towels, cut veggies and fruits for snacks, filled up cups, packed a diaper bag, packed clothes and underwear for afterwards, made a bottle and found shoes.  When we got to the pool I lathered the kids with sun screen and they were off!!  Three hours swimming and we were headed back home to play outside!  We ordered pizza and sat on the back porch an ate.  Then Nathan and I laid on the trampoline while the girls jumped around us and we tried grabbing them and pulling them down on top of us to tickle.  Once we got inside it was 8:30pm and I filled up the bathtub for all the girls, washed them, dried them and sent them to pick up toys in their room.  We all then laid in Little Bear's bed together while I read a story to all the kids and then they were sound asleep!!  We wore them out!!!`

Our week has been filled with so much that I haven't even made it to start on my school work that is due monday night by 11:59pm!  I have two days but I'm SO exhausted!!  Monday will be our wedding anniversary.....so we may have to put off our celebration till Tuesday instead.  I'm so thankful that I've been able to have the last eight years with the love of my life!  I could not have asked God for a better man!  I'm so undeserving of him, yet thankful I have him!

~HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!!

The perfect Saturday.....

Today was just a completely perfect day!  The weather was beautiful, and we just had the best family time ever today!!  We started out grilling out for lunch.  The girls played outside while Nathan grilled hot dogs.  We put a sheet down and all had a picnic, and then played frisbee.  We then loaded up the kids and headed out to run some errands.  Our first stop was Chesterfield Berry Farm.  The girls really love pretending that they have their own garden out back, and well, it's starting to become a little annoying having holes all over the yard where they've been trying to plant weeds!  (LOL)  So, a few months ago we emptied out the sand that was in their turtle because it was just TOO much of a mess!  We've had the turtle sitting next to the trash can for weeks debating on throwing it away.  So last night we decided to sit the turtle on top of a huge tree stump that every trips over, fill it with dirt, and let the girls plant their own flowers in it.  So our first stop was to pick out flowers for our turtle.  When we got home I dug out some dirt from our compost pile in the back and filled him up, stood back and let the girls go at it.  It's their baby!  They are in charge of weeding, watering and taking care of the whole thing all by themselves, and they are SO excited!!  (hopefully it will keep them from picking stuff out of my garden now!

After the Berry Farm we headed over to the library to return books and check out some more.  I challenged Pumpkin this summer to reading 100 books.  When she is finished we will have a little party with other homeschooling families who are joining us in this challenge, and then she will be able to pick out a toy from the toy store as a prize.  We just started mid-week last week and she has read 4 books so far, so we have a while to go but I believe she can do it!!  It has really encouraged her to read more instead of watch television (which I've been trying to limit more recently anyways).  Anyhow, she was able to get her first library card today at the library.  Little Bear and Hobble-bobble cried because they wanted a card too, so I told them that when they start reading their own books then I would take them and get them their own card too!  Hopefully that will be an incentive to finish Kindergarten this year for Little Bear so she can get started on first grade by fall!

So after the library all the girls fell asleep in the back of the car!  So I ran a few errands (1) to check out the pool we will be joining this summer, (2) pick up some ingredients at the Indian store, and (3) grab some hamburger and gas at Kroger.  Then we headed home to complete our projects and dinner.  I mad the girls hamburgers on the grill, and for Nathan & I,  Seek Kabobs on the grill.  And again we had a picnic outside and the girls played till almost 8:00pm!  Nathan and I dug up a few more flower beds around the back yard.  Since we have such a hard time with mosquitoes in the back, I have read that if you plant marigolds around the area it will repel the mosquitoes and other bugs.  SO I am on a mission to repel the bugs so we can enjoy our back yard a little better this summer.  We do have the most amazing back yard!!  Our house may be small but the back yard makes up for all of it!!
     Once it got dark out I took the girls inside and gave all five of them a bath, changed their bed-sheets, got their cups, and tucked them in the bed.  I pulled out two books from the Library bag and read to them, until they were fighting to keep their eyes open.
     We are very excited to see what tomorrow brings!  We will be going to pump-it-up tomorrow with some friends to celebrate Little Bear's 5th Birthday!  She won't be 5 till the 22nd but I just can't believe how big she is now!  It was just yesterday I was fighting to keep her from being born 10 weeks early!  I can't wait to celebrate with her tomorrow!  Hoping tomorrow is as amazing as today was!!

Broken Hearts and Spiritual Victories.....

It's been a week now since my last post.  I'm completely overwhelmed at the response I had from my "call to prayer" last week.  I had so many people reaching out to me, and praying for us!  I had people telling me how much I've helped them over the years and how much I mean to them.  It was really amazing how far a little openness and honestly goes.  I'm so thankful that those people have reached out to me and have been continuing to pray for our family!  Your prayers, thoughts, emails, and encouraging words have not been in vain.  Ever since I posted that blog last week, things have gradually picked up in our every day life and we are slowly getting our household back in order.

 People look at my faith and see me as a strong Christian mother.  I get comments all the time about how people wish they could raise their children the way I do, or wish they could have a relationship with God the way I do, and often I feel so much pressure to be that perfect parent and Christ-follower in order to live up to their standards.  For years my biggest fear was that someone would see me mess up and it would effect their decision to follow Christ.  While that may be true in some cases, I don't believe it's true in mine.  I believe that people can appreciate that I am not perfect; matter of fact it may make people feel a little relieved to see that we have struggles just like they do!  The last several years when people say those things about me being "amazing" I cringe because I feel a long way from amazing.  When we were in ministry one of the things I despised more than anything was when people put pastors up on a pedestal.  Yes, it's important to respect your spiritual leaders, but not worship them!  They struggle just as much if not more than everyone else.  I always felt like people were constantly watching me, constantly critiquing me waiting for me to slip up so they can call me out on it.  But I don't care what people see in me that they don't like, or that they feel is not "Christian-like"!  I do claim to be a Christian, I love Christ, I worship Christ, and if I were perfect I would not need Him, but I do, I need his salvation from sins.  

I'm taking an apologetic (defending your faith) class in college this semester.  We are reading the book Consider by Dr. Lew Weider and Dr. Ben Gutierrez.  In finishing the last few chapters tonight, the text really spoke to my heart and I wanted to share.  They were talking about how when shepherds lose one of their sheep they will leave their entire flock to find that ONE sheep.  Once it is found they put it over their shoulders and carry it back, breaking the leg of that sheep.  They will then hold that sheep until its leg is healed.  Because the sheep can hear the shepherds heart beating the entire time it is healing, it is guaranteed that the sheep will never wonder off again.  This is true for us as well.  Anytime we lose our way, or lose sight of our shepherd (Jesus), God breaks our hearts so that he can allow us to hear his heart so we will not stray, or lose sight of Him again.  I can honestly say that through all of our struggles I've been able to see God working, and hear his heart.  I'm so thankful for eyes and ears that Hear him.

Another great idea from the book is when you do feel like life has overwhelmed you and you can't see past things that are going on, keep a "spiritual victory" notebook.  Write down half-day, daily or hourly spiritual victories that happen throughout your day.  This will allow you to see what God is doing in the midst of your circumstances!  Sometimes we get so caught up in all the negative that we think God isn't there anymore- we have just lost sight of our focus.

So our next thing we are focusing on in our house is claiming a church family.  I've had such negative feelings towards the institutional church the last few years.  I hate how it has become, I hate how selfish and hurtful people can be.  I don't believe that the act of going to church makes me any better of a Christian; however, it does help us with our spiritual journey in order to to be lifted up, and have support and fellowship with other believers.  If the "church" is the "body of Christ" and the "Body of Christ" is His "believers" then "Church" isn't something you can go to.  We are the church; we should have fellowship with the church, a relationship with the church, love for the church, and respect for the church.  The mentality that if you are "not at church" you aren't "spiritual enough," or if you don't "join the church," you aren't part of the church is just outrageous.          And then there is the sad instances where you connect with church members, then you move on to another church and they stop talking to you because you aren't part of "their church" anymore.  While I know this is how our society functions with "churches" I just wish it would be easier for people to realize that Christians make up "church" not the act of going or the building or the specific people who meet in your building.  Church leadership of some institutions can be so quick to judge their people by their faults and condemn them under phariseedic standards instead of trying to refine them in love.    I am convinced more and more that the "church" is what is separating us from being "The Church" or "The Body of Christ."

All this aside, I do believe having a Church family is important for growth, accountability, and having support in our walk with Christ.  With that said we have found a great church that we believe we have found.  It's been difficult to be completely committed to it right now for us, 1. because of all the sickness we've had and 2. because of what I've written above.  I have not witnessed any of this at our new church so far, but we also have only been there a handful of times.  Every time we make it to church on a Sunday, something crazy happens the next week.  While I'm sure we will join the church eventually, maybe even the worship team, small groups, kids activities; our fellowship will not be limited to that specific group of people.  The #1 reason that I loved this church was because when we walked in and they saw our five precious girls people didn't say things like "don't you know how that happens" or "wow you have your hands full!'  They said things like, "WoW, five girls what an amazing blessing!" And, "I hope to have that many children eventually."  We are not the largest family in the church!!  Everyone there has several children, and everyone there homeschools!!  They have homeschool meeting for the mothers so the older mothers can encourage the younger mothers, they have dance class for the kids.  We are not "weird" because of the way we've chosen to live.  While I'm positive they are not perfect, and I'm positive we will not agree with everything there either....I'm thankful to have a church family.  While yes I wish church wasn't set up the way it is, I am still grateful for the people that God led us to!

So that is our next prayer, that we can get on schedule and have a good routine to become consistent in our new church home and that our experiences in the past will not hinder any relationships in our future.

**our spiritual victory for today: "no one was sick, Nathan was able to be at work, and we had no bad news"**  God is faithful!

Thank you again to those of you praying for our family!  We are so blessed to have so many praying friends!  Love and blessings to all of you!!

 

Little Star by: Anthony DeStefano

DeStefano tells the story of a Christmas star named Little Star. Little Star is the smallest star in the heavens. He was had no friends and was very lonely. One day he heard that the King was to be born. Little star was so excited that he decided to shine brighter than any of the other stars in the sky. He shone so bright trying to warm baby Jesus, that he ended up burning out and lost his life. The story says that each Christmas we remember the Christmas Star by putting a star at the top of our Christmas trees.

I don't think this will be a story I will want to read to my children. I found it to be biblically incorrect. A story of a star loosing it's life in order for Christ to be born, just did not sit well with me. My small children take things to heart that they read, and at this age they believe everything! So while I understand the creativity of fiction, I think it can be quite messy if it's not an accurate account of the things we've taught them to be true. This may be a good story book for older children who know the difference between fiction and non-fiction, however not good for our age range (0-5).

~I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.~

God Gave Us the World by: Lisa Tawn Bergren art by Laura J. Bryant

So I thought what a better way to review a children's story, than to read it to my children! And that is exactly what I did! My girls were so excited to get a new book first of all no matter what the story is they are always willing to listen, however they do let me know what they think of it!

In the book "God Gave Us the World" by Laura Bryant, I felt it was a really great message wrapped into a cute and entertaining story! At the beginning of the book it introduces a Mama Bear and a Little Cub. They are walking in the snow sticking out their tongues to catch the snow! My girls just laughed and laughed at this, and one of them even stuck out her tongue and began to pretend it was snowing in our living room! When Mama Bear tells Little Cub he has the pinkest tongue she has ever seen, Little Cub wonders if all bears are the same as him.

Mama Bear begins to explain to Little Cub that God created all kinds of different places to live and different types of bears. So they begin taking a journey through a Bear Exhibit in order to see a glimpse of all that God created. They talk about many different types of bears, where they live, what they eat, and how each bear is made unique by our Creator. No bear is quite the same! They talk about how Big God is and how the world reflects God's work. It is God's nature to create, and our purpose here on earth is to worship Him. I felt it went a little green at the end of the story, talking about how we need to be good stewards of our world, take care of the world because it is God's gift to us.

After we were done reading the story my girls looked up at me and said "that was a great story mom, can we read it again?!" I guess that comment can speak for it's self! Even my 5 month old LOVED looking at the pictures! Over all I think the story was great, the message was great and it was easy for the kids to interact with the story.


~I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.~

The Shadowed Mind A Dinah Harris Mystery by Julie Cave

What is human life worth to you. Should people who are alcoholics, homeless, disabled, or mentally disturbed be considered a burden to society? If we got rid of everyone who have these problems will it strengthen society for the greater good? According to "The Movement" group, eugenics is better for everyone, but what if that meant murder?

In this mysterious tale "The Shadowed Mind" by Julie Cave, Dinah Harris is in search of a murderer. With each murder well thought out and planned it gives Dinah and the detective a run for their money with the search for the mysterious man with black eyes. During their investigation they stumble upon a eugenics group called "The Movement", who does not believe that life is precious. With Dinah's recent alcoholic background and her struggling to stay sober, things take a turn when she becomes the killers next target. Will Dinah turn to God and surrender to His will, or will she take things upon herself and go back to her old ways?

Although I'm not much of a Mystery person, I though this book was an amazing picture of God's love and grace. It shows us how no matter who we were in the past, God is able to transform us with His love into who he wants us to be. Highly recommend this book!



~I received this book for free from New Leaf Publishing for this review.~

Slave by John MacArthur

When asked what a follower of Christ means, not many people will respond by saying that it means to be a slave to Christ! Most people respond by saying they are a servant of Christ, or a follower of Christ. In John MacArthur's new book "Slave", he talks about how the word "slave" has gotten lost in translation of the bible. He explains how the word "slave" or "doulos" in Greek, appears 124 times in the original text but is only actually translated into the word "slave" correctly 1 time in the entire KJV of the bible. Instead they used the word "servant".

MacArthur goes on to explore what the true meaning of being a "slave" of Christ means. He goes back to Roman times and explores in and out of what being a slave meant back then. He talks about everything from being bought, to how they were treated, and what their circumstances were if they did not obey their master. Then he paralleled it to our walk with Christ, and what being a slave of Christ means to for us. MacArthur explains how we will always be a slave to something! We will either be a slave to sin, or a slave to Christ. By being a slave to sin we are in constant fear of our master, and are promised death for eternity. But when we were bought with a price by Christ, he freed us from sin, and we also became free to live a life of righteousness, and are guaranteed to live forever with Him. We were freed from sin and enslaved to God.

I received some really great insight from this book. I've never looked at my life as being a slave to anyone. By turning the word servant, into slave it definitely turned my outlook on my walk with Christ upside down, but in a good way! This is definitely a life changing book, and worth the read.

*** I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255***

Mark of the Lions den series Book 1 "A voice in the wind" by Francine Rivers

So It took me forever to finish this book, not because the story was not good and not because it wasn't a captivating story; but because it's so detailed and lengthy! I love Francine Rivers and her books especially "Redeeming Love" and this one was amazing as well, but they are so hard for me to read through! I feel like they take me forever!

I borrowed this book from a friend because I heard it was a must read and she was totally right! The first few chapters I didn't care for just because it talked a lot about war, and I'm not big on reading about war. Watching it is okay but reading it is a bit boring to me. Once I got past the first three chapters the book really started to take off!

It's the story of a Jewish slave girl, who is a Christian. She sacrifices everything for the love and truth of the one True God! This is an amazing story of love, sacrifice, & betrayal but in the end God always wins!

"Radical" by David Platt

"Radical" by David Platt, was a well needed book for our christian society. Most pastors and churches now days like to sugar coat things and make things more sensitive for seekers to hear. But not Platt, he is straight forward, down to earth, nothing but complete biblical truth. It might not be what you want to hear but it is definitely what is needed! We can't grow in our Christian faith without having our toes stepped on once in a while and our faith challenged.

In this book, Platt talks about taking back your faith from the American Dream. How can we live a true biblical life, just sitting comfortably in our own homes. We've become so materialistic in our every day lives we haven't even realized it! We have above and beyond the necessities that we need for every day living, yet we still want more! Platt, talks about how it's a constant battle to resist more things that make life more comfortable. We even have to have these comforts in our Church buildings, padded seats, air conditioning/heat, lights, screens, music. If we took all that away Platt asks, "would just the Word of God be enough to continue meeting together?" He talks about his experiences overseas and how there are so many people daily meeting in underground churches. They are risking their lives for the sake of meeting together to worship God; but here we are in America, in our comfortable houses, comfortable churches, unwilling to step up and take a little risk ourselves. This book is a "Radical" eye opener to the life that we should be living but are not. If you like a challenge, and want something more in life,this book is for you!

~I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.~

FREEDOM!

Don't you just love those moments when God just smacks you upside the head with a humongous cement brick! I gotta say he beat me up pretty well while I was reading my latest book "Eternal Security" by Charles Stanley. I'm still pretty sore from it, but it's a good sore. You know the kind of sore you get after going to the gym for an hour or two after not exercising a day in your life? And it's the kind of bruise that you want to walk around wearing proudly because even though you look pretty darn bad, the other guy looks EVEN WORSE- if you get my point.

7 years ago I went through what I thought at the time was the most painful thing anyone could ever go through. A divorce is hardly joyful, but for me, someone who never wanted a divorce and wanted someone who loved me and only me, my life was over. Now looking back on it 7 years later, I don't even know who that person coming out of that divorce was; God has changed me so much! And that was my first glimpse of grace.

I remember it like yesterday driving that 10 hour drive back home to mama through the mountains in my black Jeep- praying, and crying, singing, and praying some more. And one specific prayer I prayed over and over again, "Oh Lord, I don't think I can get through this, all I wanted was to be a wife and mother, and have a loving family! MY GOD, WILL I NEVER HAVE THAT NOW?! Who Lord, who would ever want me?! What God-fearing man would ever want someone who is used up and thrown to the side, Lord? Oh God, I don't know that I can get through this without knowing that one day I will have these things; please Lord, send me a Godly man- someone who loves You more than me, and me more than anything else. Give me my own family to love who will return that love!" And not only did He give me that God-fearing, Toneka-lovin' man, but he gave me 4 children, and more than I could ever ask for(keep reading).

The guilt alone from being in this situation was exhausting! Even though I knew it wasn't my fault(the divorce), I still felt so shameful and embarrassed; I felt that I had failed. The thought of coming back to my old church and having to tell everyone I was getting a divorce was humiliating! What would they say, and would they treat me like the sinner I thought that I was?

New Year's Eve, an old friend of mine took me out to see everyone for the first time since I had been back. When I was told who would be in the room before we walked in, it intensified my fears. One person in particular (lets call him BOB for now) was there whom I, in the past, thought wasn't very fond of me. I figured he would be far from the last person in that room to be happy to see me. But when I walked in that door, he was the fist person to jump up and hug me. Much to my surprise, he was genuinely excited to see me, as were the others! I rekindled many old friendships, made many new friendships, and was welcomed back with open arms.

One night, Bob and I were talking about the things I had been going through when he started to tell me how I needed to forgive myself because God had already forgiven me! He kept telling me over and over about how I needed to just accept his Grace, and I remember him saying "Toneka, one day you will understand what I mean by Grace."

I've gotten a glimpse at true grace twice since that conversation. Once a few weeks later and now after reading this book.

A few weeks later we did a foot washing with communion at small group. I felt totally uncomfortable, embarrassed, unworthy and just mortified that Bob was going to go around the room and wash my feet after giving me communion. As I watched Bob get closer and closer to me, I began to feel the lump in my throat get bigger and harder to swallow. The tears that had been falling for months that I thought were dried up now were suddenly back and more powerful than ever! I just remember thinking "I don't want him to do this! I don't deserve for him to wash MY feet, he has been nothing but accepting of me and such a great friend to me, I should be washing his feet!"

I didn't want to eat of the bread because it was "HIS BODY broken for me!" I was already broken enough for everyone in that room it wasn't fair that Christ had to be too. I didn't want to drink of the juice it was "HIS BLOOD that was poured out for me." I just remember the feeling of wanting to scream at the cross and tell him "DON'T DO IT, I'LL JUST LET YOU DOWN!!" And that's when I realized- no matter what, whether I wanted Him to or not, He died for me! No matter what, even though He already knew I'd let Him down, there was nothing I could do to stop Him.

And here I am again 7 years later, remembering Bob's famous words "Toneka, one day you will understand what I mean by Grace." Although I don't know that I agreed with what the book was saying 100%, Charles Stanley was talking about how even if you walked away from Christ, you STILL would never lose your salvation! Even though we are not faithful to Him, he will always remain faithful to us. You see, I've lived my entire Christian life feeling like at any moment Christ could come back, catch me in a lie, and I'd go to hell. It wasn't until this week that I actually FINALLY started to see the depth of God's love and grace. As I was reading Mr. Stanley's words, I just kept saying to myself, "WHY WOULD HE DO THIS!?" and it was then that God said "you don't understand... because you have never understood My grace."

I've always "KNOWN" that salvation is not by works, but somehow the words got lost between my mouth and my brain. I was never, until now, able to realize that I was still living (bound) by "The Law" somehow. It's been a huge weight off my shoulders to know that I can't lose my salvation by sinning, but that I have freedom in Christ. Not to mention, It's great to be able to say "Bob, I finally understand what you were trying to tell me! Thank you Bob!" It's about our position with God- we are forgiven, transformed heirs and children of God- through what Jesus did- not through what we keep "trying" to do ... live a perfect life! Christ did that for us already; He was the spotless lamb, the sacrifice! I heard in a song recently, "why do I keep trying to earn what I already have?" We have to know that "Your Grace is Enough!" In another song by Tenth Avenue North,

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark