Finding a new normal...

Don't ask me how I had time to sit down and write this blog post because I have no idea!  In fact I will probably forget that I even wrote it today and have to sit down and re-read it tomorrow because that is just what my mind has been doing recently!  Nathan asked me the other day a question about something and I replied, "I don't remember!" He was shocked and said, "what has happened to my wife, you usually remember EVERYTHING!" This is true, I have the worlds best memory-until I had my sixth baby that is.  Matter of fact it was until I was pregnant for my sixth baby, yes, that was when my short term memory took a huge hit.  I went to take Baby Dumplin' to her six week check up and our pediatrician, whom we've gone to since Pumpkin was born, asked me what her name meant because she knew we picked names by their meanings, I had to shamefully admit to her "I don't remember!"  I couldn't believe it!  But I guess that is what happens when you have so many children.  First it's your figure, then it's your mind! lol

This week was our first week of homeschooling for this year.  We are doing 2nd Grade, 1st Grade and Preschool.  Usually the first week or two is super exhausting, chaotic, and crazy with trying to get on a schedule, and everyone learning what they are supposed to do with each subject.  This year seems even more chaotic than last year since I now have more of the younger kids dominating than I do older kids.  They have been taking over the house!!  At the end of the school day there are clothes pulled out and strung from one end of the house to the other, dishes piled to the ceiling from all the cups they keep taking out of the dishwasher and filling with water, toys thrown around the floor, and there is always that one REALLY bad thing that they do that just sets you over the edge.  Yesterday it was my two year old.  She somehow got a hold of an ink pen and poked holes in their little tinkerbell table and chair set.  but not only did she poke holes, she also had to pull out the stuffing and rip the largest hole she could in the chair so that it could no longer be used.  I've been keeping them occupied with Play dough for most of our school day but if I don't really watch them they will run through the house and take it with them, dropping pieces all over the place.

On top of the little kids being disobedient and destructive, every one of them (baby included) have been whinny, tired, and have been crying constantly!  Since we moved into the new house, for some reason, we have been having a hard time getting everyone to bed at the normal 7:00pm bedtime.  We've had so many extra things to be done around here, it seems we start a project and by the time we look up it is after 9:00!!  So everyone has been tired and cranky, whinny and fussy all week!  It's not like they will sleep in or anything, I could put them to bed at 2am and they would still be at the end of my bed at 6:45am on the dot yelling "daddy, hungry!!!"  So getting them to bed on time is extremely important if I want them to be their chipper selves the next day!  So this week we have been striving to get our schedule back and in the process of doing that we have had to make time for lots of correction, and training!

We are in a season right now where ALL our kids are learning new things, not just in school but here in our new home.  There are many new rules and chores that are being learned and implemented at the new house that were similar yet different at the old house.  Hobble-Bobble (4) has chores now for the first time.  While it is going to be very helpful once she learns how to do her chores the correct way it is taking some time to teach her how to do these things correctly.  Pumpkin, and Little-Bear also have new chores here they didn't have at the other house that they have had to learn how to do- and still learning.  Rules here are similar but there are more of them because there is more space and it's a different environment.  Our school room, which we love by the way, is now more of a classroom environment than it was at the old house when we did school at the table.  Now we have to learn how to sit in our seats correctly, and how to wait our turn for mommy's help with our work.  Pumpkin is having a little bit of a time adjusting to the fact that she is now in 2nd grade and has to do school till almost 2:00 now, while Little-Bear is finished by lunch time and Hobble-Bobble is finished after only an hour.  They see the little kids playing with play-dough and they want to be in on the fun!  I can understand that but they will also get to have plenty of fun once we get further into our school year!  We are just trying to create a new normal for everyone right now and that has to take precedence over unpacking and even laundry at the moment.  At the end of the day if I let the chores of the house come before the discipline/correction, and education of our children I have failed them as a mother.

This has been so hard for me to finally give into!  It seems that in the last few years I have become somewhat OCD when it comes to having the house cleaned up.  I'm not talking about scrubbing the floor with a toothbrush clean but mostly I need everything in it's place!  I'm sure if any of my family are reading this they are going, "WHAT?! YOU!!" Yes me!  LOL  Nathan has finally rubbed off on me after all these years!  My philosophy on cleaning has changed drastically over the years!  When we first got married I didn't feel that cleaning was important, spending time together was most important!!  Then I realized that I needed to keep things cleaned so I can spend time with my family and not worry about the house, now...well now you will find me up cleaning all day long from morning till night trying to keep things cleaned up and decluttered!  It seems the more children we've had the more I have felt the need to keep things cleaned up and keep the house cleaned so we can breathe!  HOWEVER, the more kids we've had the WORSE the house has looked and the MORE I have found myself cleaning!  Since being in the new house it has been a little easier to keep things straight but also harder in other areas.  In the old house I felt like I had to constantly move things around, organize things, clean things in order to make the house not so suffocating.  Here it's not suffocating but I'm so used to doing that at the old house that if something gets messy here I start to panic until I get it together!  I've always panicked as well when people come over.  I used to rush and clean everything spotless top to bottom but I'm starting to realize that there is no purpose to doing that for other people!  I need people in my life who understand that I have to put my kids first, their needs first and that is more important than keeping a home to where you can eat off the floor at all times.  I've come to the conclusion that if people want to judge me by the fact that there are dishes in my sink and laundry that needs folded on my couch then they probably shouldn't be a part of my life.  It is okay to put aside the daily chores of the home in order to take time to teach your children how to act properly, how to have compassion for someone, how to treat their sisters with respect, how to react to certain situations correctly that is what parenting and being a mom is all about.

With that said, I have three baskets of clothes waiting on me and a pile of dishes I need to get too!


       

House fire...

Nathan and I got married in 2005.  When we married we never imagined that God would bless us with so many children in such a short time, so we bought a house that was 1,095 square foot, three bedrooms, and two baths.  We purchased this home right before we got married, and after a two week honeymoon in Cancun, a week later we found out we were expecting our first child!  We moved into our home a month later and have been there ever since.

God has used this tiny home to mold me and shape me into the person I am today.  Who would have ever thought that he could use our living situation to strengthen our faith.  After a few months in our home, we realized that there was a leak in the kitchen.  We shut off the dishwasher, and the leak stopped.  We began to pray that we would get a new kitchen floor for free, because the floor was messed up from the water.  So for the first few years we washed dishes by hand until we were able to save up some money to get the leak fixed.  By the time 2009 came I was pregnant with baby #3 and somehow the leak got worse and just shutting off the dishwasher didn't work anymore.  We came home to water gushing up between the floor boards in our kitchen floor!  We were so upset and had no idea what to do, or that we could even afford the amount of money it was going to take to clean up that mess!  So we prayed!  Someone mentioned we should call our insurance company, so we took the chance and did it.  Although it was a huge headache, a huge mess, and a long process; God answered our prayers!  Not only did he give us a brand new floor for FREE, he gave us a BRAND NEW KITCHEN!!  They replaced the cabinets, the flooring, we were able to add MORE cabinets, and painted the entire kitchen!  We got a 14k kitchen for free!!

Not only were we praying for the floor in our kitchen, but we were praying that God would supply us with a new refrigerator!  While ours worked perfectly, it was cracked on the door on the inside and was held together by duct tape!  While they were doing the flooring in our kitchen they were being pretty rough on our fridge and when they were finished with it and had it back in place, it would cool my feet as I walked past it instead of our food that we had inside!  So we ended up getting a new fridge for FREE because they had damaged the one we had!

After baby #3 things became very tight in our home.  The living situation was becoming crowded, but still do-able.  I think my biggest complaint was that we didn't have storage space.  So I began to pray for a larger house!  I didn't need something huge, just something big enough for the family we had, plus room to expand that family with how ever many more children God wanted to bless us with.  After baby #4, I just became bitter!  I was angry that we didn't have a larger house yet and I didn't even feel financially that we were able to even make that step to look for a larger house because everything larger was a higher payment.  As our family got larger our house became smaller!!  

One day I was listening to a CD from our homeschool convention.  There was a woman talking about how bitter she had been because God would not bless her with a larger house.  She realized that she had been so obsessed with wanting a larger house that she couldn't enjoy what God had given her.  Her "larger house" became an idol to her.  As I listened to this story, I was immediately convicted that I was doing the exact same thing!  So I repented, and began to love the house that God had already blessed us with.  I built a garden out back, and we got a trampoline and swing set and we love our back yard!!  We made our kitchen into a homeschool classroom (who says a kitchen has to be decorated like a kitchen) and we love our learning space.  I love our spacious new kitchen.  There are so many things that I have fallen in love with about our little house, that I became completely comfortable and content with not moving ever!  UNTIL A MONTH AGO>....

Everyone in our family has had birthday's this year.  They are all getting so big.  Our 5th baby is 1 year old now and everyone is walking and climbing and fighting, and no one gets naps because they are all sharing a room and keep each other awake all day long!  I have a whole house full of crabby, babies!!  So after lots of talking, Nathan and I decided we needed to start looking.  We decided the best thing would be to rent out our home and buy another.  So we started looking.  We chose a Realtor who has been a family friend since I was little.  I actually used to babysit his daughter!  He has been fantastic!  After months of looking we kept going back to this ONE house that was just perfect for what we needed!!  

We felt for sure this house was the only one on the market so far that was that large, in a good neighborhood, and had a school room, play room, office and 4 bedrooms, at an affordable price.  We were pre-approved to get another home without having to sell our current home, which I felt was a miracle!  So we drew up an offer for the house and felt very peaceful!!  We were told it was accepted, but thirty minutes later another offer came in and they said they would let us know in the morning because they had to allow the seller to decide the next day.   

That night all 7 of us got on our knees and prayed that if it was God's will he would give us that house!  The next morning I woke up with a song in my heart:

    "Lord you are more precious than silver, Lord you are more costly than Gold, Lord you are more     beautiful than diamonds, and nothing I desire compares with you."

I knew immediately that God was teaching me a lesson and testing my faith.  Could my desire for that home compare with my desire for God himself?  Who did I desire more and seek after more...the house or my Savior?  That morning I woke up with a heart-change.  I knew that morning even before I received the call that we would not be getting that home, and that God had other plans.  And sure enough I received the call that they went with the third offer.  I was heartbroken over it, but I wasn't torn down.  I knew that God had a plan and there was something else out there for us!   

So for now we remain in our crowded, suffocating, loud, chaotic small amazing house that we were blessed with from God, because to Him those things were not important.  What was important was that we made God and only God, enough for us.  That we seek him and want him more than we seek and want a larger house because it will make things easier in our lives.  I've learned that God isn't in the business of making life easier, but he is in the business of making life a series of fire pits that will shape us and refine us as we walk over the burning embers, through the fire to the other side.  This time it just happened to be a "house fire."  We never look the same as when we went in, and once we are melted and shaped we never go back to the way we were before.  That I am thankful for.  I pray that through this process he continues to mold our hearts for him!