Saturday, October 13, 2012

Dad is doing better.....

So many times this week I've found myself asking, "God why do you trust me with so much during the times that I feel so weak?"  It seems every time I feel like "okay I've got this thing" in life, that things twist and turn down another unexpected path.  I believe I should have a doctorate in chaos by now and a Masters in dealing with stress!  lol  God has done so much in my life the last two weeks I just don't even know where to start.

Being a mom of five children 6 years old and under, life can be overwhelming at times.  I think the last year has been a bit more overwhelming because we were just getting used to having baby number four when baby number five came along.  At times I feel like "okay we got this thing."  but then the kids change, life changes and everything is out of my control!  There is no rule book for having a large family.  I know some people think I am crazy for having so many children, and even more crazy for wanting more, but in the midst of the worse day we could have, is the best days of my life.  Sure I may get frustrated, I may even complain a bit but I wouldn't change the course of my life for anything.  There has never been a day when I have wished that I had a smaller family!  Now, I have had days when I thought, "was I crazy for wanting so many children?"  But never would I want to go back to not having them, and nor would I feel like I would not want more children.

I've spent the last two weeks trying to teach my girls a valuable life lesson.  On October 1st, I received a call that my dad was in the ER.  My father has struggled with heath issues for the last six years so when he is in the ER it is usually because of something major!  My first priority in life then changes, making sure my mother is fed, and taking care of herself emotionally and physically, as well as making sure I am there for my dad goes to the top on my list.  I have the most supportive husband ever and we are always on the same page with these things, so the first thing he said when he found out about my dad was, "GO!"  And that is what I did for the last two weeks!

My girls have this amazing connection with me, yet it is frustrating at times.  My oldest really has a hard time when I am not around more than a day.  She begins acting out and being not quite herself.  When she was younger she would protest my being gone by pooping all over the floor...not that she is older it's more of an attitude change.  She gets upset and angry and treats her sisters and Nathan badly.  After a week of being in the ICU with my parents my dad was starting to stabilize and I was able to start being home earlier.  At dinner I asked her "why have you been acting this way, are you mad because mommy hasn't been here?"  She said "YES!"  So I was then able to explain to her that while my family is my first priority, when papaw gets sick or if mamaw got sick, we need to put our wants and needs aside to help them!  My family is healthy, and while with me gone it may turn to utter chaos,  the most important thing is being there for the ones you love when they are in need.  Sometimes we may not always WANT to do things, but doing the right thing is more important than doing what we want!  If I were sick like papaw, I would want my children to be there for me, loving on me, taking care of their dad, making sure I knew that I was not in this by myself...and that is what I need to do for papaw.  This was a huge lesson for the girls to learn how to put others before themselves!

I also realized that there needs to always be that one thing that I tell my children, that when I am gone they can look back and remember "mom always said.....".  So the last several weeks when we have our talk time I have made sure to include, "the most important things in life is to love God with all your heart, strive to be a Godly woman, and always remember that what we want to do isn't always as important as what the right thing is to do."  I pray that with this written on their hearts they will always think of this before they make decisions.

So 13 days later my dad is finally going home today!  It was a long, exhausting and emotional journey for all of us, but God was faithful and answered our prayers!  There was a period of time last week we did not think he would come out of this!  When I was in 3rd grade I remember my dad was diagnosed with an obstructive lung disease.  I was so scared he would die!!  I remember praying every night before bed "Lord please let my dad live to see my graduation!"  In June of 2000, my dad was sitting in the gymnasium of my High School watching me walk the line to get my diploma!  Then my prayer became "Lord please let my dad live to see my children!"  In February 2006, May 2007, June 2009, August 2010, and September 2011  he was there to hold my new born baby girls in his arms!  Since I know we are not done having children I know that that prayer is still valid!  But it has changed again recently, "Dear Lord please let my dad live to see me graduate college, see how my children turn out, and hold his great-grand babies!"  I believe that God will answer my prayer!

I am finishing up my last week of American History class this weekend, and spending time getting my house back in order from the chaos, my kids back in order with their behaviors, and our sleep schedules back on track before my new classes start next monday.  I am so thankful for the life lessons that God allows us to teach our children whether they will be painful, happy, shocking or sad.  I'm thankful that God continues to teach me and deal with my heart in the midst of situations like this, I pray that he can use me to help others see things in their own hearts that they need to deal with as well.  We should never stop seeking to be a better person, we should always continue to learn from what we go through, get back up on our feet (no matter how long it takes) and teach others to do the same from what we went through!

Huge thanks to everyone for praying for my family these last 13 days.