NO DATING!!

Most parents biggest fear for their children is that they will make the same mistakes that you did!  I know that is one of mine!!  That is why our children will not be allowed to date!

I know this is a foreign subject to a lot of people, and most won't agree with me and others will think I'm crazy for this, (so did I when I first heard about it); however, it makes so much sense to me now!

I spent my teen years and half of my 20's, trying to figure out WHO I WAS!!  I had no idea who I was, what I was worth, or where I was going in life.  My main focus was finding someone who loved me and being a wife.  That was the only thing I knew I wanted in life because that meant I was going to be loved forever.  I always either had a boyfriend through school, or was chasing after someone to be my boyfriend.  I spent hours crying over feeling unwanted by boys who didn't like me, being broken up with, or just daydreaming what it would be like to hold someone's hand or be kissed.  I remember laying in my room watching "Saved by the Bell" and having day dreams of what it would be like to have a boyfriend like that!  I spent way too much time wishing for things that didn't matter!  I had no concept of being equally-yoked with someone; I didn't grow up in Church and the whole "only date someone who is also a Christian" idea was a good one to me, but I didn't get why till later.   Because of this problem I had, I was not a good student, and I found my self-worth in what others thought of me.  This left me to be a very unhappy and emotional teenager and young adult.  If someone didn't like me back, there must have been something wrong with me!

I never thought about how this affected my life until I saw an episode on "The Duggars" that talked about courting and why they court and they don't date.  Every single reasoning made so much sense to me!!  It took me so long to figure out that my self-worth was not in what people though of me, but it was in what CHRIST thought of me!  It wasn't until I was 23 years old that I finally started to see who I was and what my life was really about!  I wasted at least 19 years of my life (my earliest memory of a boyfriend was 4) worrying about what I meant to other people, and mourning over why people didn't like me!  Those are precious years that I will never get back, that meant NOTHING, yet changed my life forever!

My children will not have boyfriends.  After careful thought I've realized that they are pointless in life!  I've been very careful that they do not watch television shows with kissing (unless married), or with teenagers in it who are dating or who "likes" each other.  Actually they are not allowed to watch any of the teen disney kid shows at all- most of them I've found the kids to be very disrespectful and we don't need that in our house.  We've chosen to limit this as well because I don't want my kids #1 aspiring to be like someone else and #2 having daydreams about what it would be like to kiss a boy.  Part of homeschooling allows our children to establish their own identities and figure out who they are apart from other children or comparing themselves to others.  Limiting their TV will also aid in this as well as not giving them a false hope for what real love is.

Dating as a teenager will only bring them heartbreak and allow them to establish a pattern of divorce (IMO).  Dating someone is really a simulation of being married in a milder form.  You are attracted to each other, you show affection- sometimes too much, you fight, you get tired of each other and then you break up.  All that energy and all your secrets you shared together are wasted!  You move on and get another boyfriend or girlfriend....and really what is the point.  What good does it do?  Gives you experience?  With what, walking away from things without fixing them?  Knowing how to be broken in life?  Knowing how to hold grudges of bitterness and resentment towards someone?  When I think of Ex-boyfriends that is what I remember, why we broke up and what they did to me to hurt me.  Those experiences could have been wiped from my life and it would have made things much easier for me.  My biggest problem was I did not want to wait for God to bring me the one he had for me, I wanted to find him myself and all it did was cause me heartache.  Once I finally let go of that area of my life and let God work, he brought me the most amazing man!  I could have never dreamed someone like him would love me!

 There are women and men in their 30's and 40's who are realizing that they never found who they were as a person because they were always wrapped up in their boyfriends or husbands and now that they are married they are divorcing so that they can experience the world!  That is a very sad reason!

Not having boyfriends will allow my children to focus on who they are in Christ.  Get to know Christ more intimately, be stronger women who will not need to have a man to feel like they can survive or are worth something (I'm not a feminist but it's good for them to be self-sufficient, you never know what may happen in life).  If my children become married and have found their self-worth in their husbands instead of Christ, it can be detrimental to their marriage.  Feeling like someone has to love you a certain way in order for you to feel good about yourself is not a realistic relationship.  This only puts pressure on their husbands to be something that they were not designed to be.  We are all human and we are incapable of loving like Christ.  Only God knows the type of love we need and Only God is able to provide that.

I don't believe I've ever talked to my family about the fact that our kids will not be dating, there have been times when they've asked them (which is normal) "do you have a boyfriend?" or "is he your boyfriend?" and they are like "no he is my friend."  They have no concept of what a boyfriend is right now at their young age and that is something that I am SO grateful for!!  They are able to be young and be children without having to worry about if they are good enough for other people!  What a wonderful gift to have in life.  I am so thankful my children are learning at a young age how to find their self-worth in Christ.  

When the time comes for us to address the whole dating issue, they will be told about how dating affected my own life.  Already we pray together that God is preparing their husbands for them and teaching them how to be Godly men.  When the right one comes along we will know it and they will be allowed to court them, but dating will not be an option for us.

What is love?

I saw this photo posted on facebook a few weeks ago and It was disturbing enough to me that I saved it for this blog post.  See, 11 years ago, I knew all about wanting to be loved like a country song.  When I was a teen I dreamed about it in my room, I danced to it in my car, and I walked down the aisle to it in what turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life when I was 19!  I embraced, loved and dreamed about every aspect of it from, "strawberry wine",  "Cowboy take me away", "She thinks my tractors sexy", to "unanswered prayers", "Breathe", and "man I feel like a woman!!"  You see no matter what the song was about, weather it was a happy story, or a sad one- it was still mesmerizing and took me to a place that didn't matter the outcome because I was in a story about love!!  I saw love through country song glasses, where it didn't matter if he cheated because at least I would have a heart wrenching song I could sing afterwards!  But when it happened in reality I didn't feel like singing much!  My view of love was tainted by fairy tales and songs.  I thought that my life fit into one of these songs and as long as it did- Good or bad- I would be happy.  I was wrong!  Looking to love songs or fantasy to fulfill my self-worth left me empty and alone.

Here is another example.  See, God IS LOVE!  I thank God that these people aren't Him nor do they apparently know the real heart of God because God's word says, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, " Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails..." 

I can't sit here and say that the homosexual lifestyle is okay because I don't believe that it is, however it does not mean that Christians can't show the love of God.  God loves homosexuals, they are his children they are made in his image just like we all are.  Just because we do not agree with their lifestyle does not mean that God hates them or that he does not see their tears!  His heart breaks for them and their pain just like it does for any of us!  These people see others through "legalistic, cultic, and selfish glasses."  They treat others harshly not just if they don't believe the same way but if they don't go to the same church!  

Jesus was Love, but Jesus was also JUST.  While he showed his love to ALL people he still was offensive when he would call people out on their sins.  But I have to say not once did I see where Jesus stood on street corners jumping up and down like an idiot with signs that say "I hate fags" or "I hate your tears!"  When he met the woman at the well who had, "many" husbands, he did not tell her how disgusted he was with her but he treated her as any other person, spoke to her lovingly but also let her know that what she was doing was wrong and she needed to make it right!  There are ways to love people and show them the Love of Christ while letting them know they are not abiding by the Word of God, without dishonoring, delighting in evil, or abusing that power.  This does not show the Love of God and only pushes others further from the truth!

When I was younger, the image of a church like the one above gave me warm fuzzy feelings of hope and love.  Just the thought of going to a church with other Christians (even when I wasn't a Christian at the time) made me excited and happy!  We have come a long way with church buildings over the years!  Back in the New Testament the church did not meet in church buildings but in homes, now we have church buildings that are amazingly beautiful!  Buildings that you would be afraid to sit down on the seats because you don't want to wrinkle the fabric!!  Not only has the buildings changed but the love inside has as well!  People have forgotten what God's word says about Love and it seems they need to be refreshed!!

I was reminded this week of an old song I heard several years ago asking the question, "If Jesus came to your church, would you let him in?"  I can't for the life of me remember the name of the song but it went on to explain that Jesus would have filthy dirty feet, would they let him walk on the carpet?  He would be smelly and dirty, he would not look like everyone else nor would he have his best Sunday suit on- so would they ask him to leave??

This week I was horrified when I was told a story of something that happened in a previous church our family had been part of.  A friend of our family- whom we will call Angel- is on dialysis and also has other medical problems she was dealing with.  Angel was in a wheel chair and had finally decided to visit a church and accepted Jesus as her Savior.  This particular church airs it's Sunday services on TV.  One Sunday morning she decided to head down to the alter in her wheel chair to pray-  she was stopped halfway down the isle by a pastor and was told they did not want to see wheel chairs on tv, she needed to walk down to the isle or go back to her seat!  Angel then proceeded to tell the story of the Sunday that she got kicked out of the church!  She was sitting in the front row on another Sunday morning and began to feel nauseous because of her medical condition.  She tried to leave but didn't make it out and vomited on the floor.  She was told not to come back to church because people do not want to see her vomit on camera!!  She was told she can watch the services from home!!

I've never been so outraged to hear a dying woman tell such stories!!  This woman has since decided to go off her dialysis and stop fighting!  Maybe if God's people would have shown her that God had a plan for her life still- even in the midst of her sickness- Maybe if God's people would have looked beyond the carpet, and cameras, and into the actual hearts of the people- she would have had a church family that loved and supported her and she wouldn't have felt the need to stop her treatments!!  

LOVE is not a Country Song, Love is not picketing funerals of homosexuals or soldiers, LOVE is not having a beautiful church building, money, or a television show.  LOVE IS BEING SELFLESS!!!  LOVE IS THINKING OF OTHERS BEFORE YOURSELF!!  LOVE IS MAKING OTHERS HAPPY WHEN YOU ARENT!!  LOVE IS PUTTING OTHERS NEEDS BEFORE YOUR OWN!!!

No wonder people don't understand the whole "love the sinner, hate the sin" concept!  No wonder people would rather die a slow painful death with no hope than to come to a church and receive Christ as their SAVIOR!!  No wonder marriages are falling apart all over the place because we are looking to songs and fairy tales to fulfill us instead of Christs Love!!

Our concept of what love really is is so distorted!  If anyone understands what REAL love is it should be Christians!!  We have experienced an everlasting, undeserving, selfless kind of love that most people do not know exists and instead of making sure people see that in us- we are worried about the carpet!!  

People have to learn to find their self worth in the Love of Christ and who He says we are instead of what other people say or think of us.  People will always disappoint us (especially Christians)- no one is perfect.  The only person who will not disappoint us is Jesus Christ Himself!  Jesus' love was perfect, He selflessly took our payment for our sins, even though he knew we would still sin, and gave his life for ours!  That is the true meaning of Love.    

VICTORY!!!!

Well, I accomplished something this week I never thought I would do!  I finished my Intro to Christian Counseling class- during my first trimester- WITH an A!  VICTORY!!!!  I did not think that class, nor my first trimester would ever end, let alone I get an A!  I get really paranoid about not making an A in my courses because our family does not have the extra money to throw around for my education and If we are going to go into debt, and If I am going to take time away from spending with my family, then I better have A work!!

I'm FINALLY out of my first trimester!  According to my calculations I'm 14 weeks, and will be 15 weeks on Thursday this week; however, according the ultrasound I am 13 weeks.  Yesterday was the first day I felt a little bit of energy this week and was able to get outside and start tilling up our new garden location in the new back yard!  Today I paid for every second of that digging!  I was up half the night with nerve pain in my arms and this morning I was so sore I couldn't move!  BUT I felt great!  I'm so not a winter person and my husband and I both feel awful all winter long so being out in the sun yesterday was like I was coming out of hibernation!!

My favorite thing about waking up in the morning is when my littles come in an wake me up!  No matter how grouchy and tired I am, how can you not get up when those tiny cold hands hug your neck and say, "mommy wakie, wakie!!"  This morning I said, "go tell daddy I need coffee!"  She disappeared and a few minutes later she is next to me saying, "mommy I made you coffee and it tastes YUMMY!"  lol  she had taken the rest of Nathan's coffee that he made for himself and drank a fourth of it up the steps!  But no amount of coffee will get that girl down cause she is now fast asleep on the couch!!

So I have a whole week this week to rest, clean up, and get ready for my Philosophy class to start on Monday.  This will be my last one till next year, after baby #7 gets here!  Today will be our day of rest, not much will get done except cuddles, and resting and then we are off tomorrow to finish up another garden spot outside, and catching up on laundry and chores the rest of the week!  We also went back on our "Trim Healthy Mama" diet today after being off of it since I was 9 weeks.  Looking forward to feeling great!  Happy Monday!!