Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Living blindly and trusting the Maker

A few months back, we were all sitting at the dinner table eating, laughing and talking like families do, when I noticed that Sweet-pea was crossing her eyes!  At first I thought she was just messing with us and trying to be funny but then I realized that it was ONE eye that was crossing inward to her nose, and it became more frequent!!  Of course as a mother we always think the worse especially with something that sudden, my first thought was brain tumor!  So before even finishing my dinner I went straight to the phone and started googling and calling eye doctors.  We got an appointment for the very next morning.

Being a large family we are late a lot!  I am the type of person who starts getting a bit panicked when we are running late and am constantly saying, "okay get in the car, quickly!!"  Our little Sweet-pea is on her own time clock.  She takes her time and enjoys everything, especially our blooming daisy's in the front flower bed.  Every time we leave the house, she has to walk over to the daisy's and pick at least two!  One for mommy and one for her to hold in the car.  I constantly find myself saying "COME ON, Please we are going to be late, you can pick them when we get back!! HURRY!  Get in the car!!"  Day after day Sweet-pea ignores my every plea!  She has to find the most beautiful flower, she has to pick it just right with her thumb and pointer-finger, then she has to make sure mommy gets it before getting into the car!  

At our appointment we learned that Sweet-pea (2) is extremely farsighted and has an astigmatism.  I was so completely blown away that I had not noticed any symptoms until now!  They say that you can look in a persons glasses and that is how they see without them; lets just say I have no idea how that child could have ever seen a thing without them!!  She has had her glasses for over a month now and is doing wonderful with them.  I'm sad that she will have to have glasses for the rest of her life, but I am thankful that we caught it when we did!  

God has been working on my heart a lot the last few months.  He has really used the waiting period of the house we've been wanting to purchase (10 months) to teach me how to rely on him and not be such a worrier.  I find myself start to panic over things but then I start to remind myself that these things are not in my control, God is in control and he has it under control!  I pray a lot, and then I put it completely out of my mind and focus on something else!  For instance anytime I get any news on the house I start to panic that things won't work out quite the way I hope.  So I pray, and then I put it out of my mind by focusing on what I do already have, like organizing the house we have now!  I am such a worrier and this is such a huge step for me.  Anytime I hear anything about problems with our extended family or friends I start to worry then I cannot get them out of my mind and I drive myself crazy over it.  But God has really shown me that I need to let go and allow him to drive the boat.

Since deciding to have a natural birth this time around, my first instinct was fear!  I was so afraid of the pain and discomfort it would bring and just did not know that I could suffer through it that long! One day as I was thinking about it it was like God told me "if you can trust me to give you as many kids as I want you to have, why can't you trust me through your labors?!"  And it hit home with everything in my life.  Trusting God to decide how many children to have is a HUGE deal!  Most people I know that would be the one thing in their lives that they would want to control, it affects everything from house size, to car size, to income, budget, etc.  But for me I feel that is the easiest thing in my life to trust God with...so why can't I trust him with the smaller things and stop all the worrying?!  

So I started thinking about my Sweet-pea and how she doesn't have a worry in the world!  Here she was almost unable to see a thing in her world yet she still managed to pluck the most beautiful flowers from the bunch every time, and she could have kept them for herself but she wanted me to have them!  She could have cried and screamed that she couldn't see the flowers, she could have ignored her entire world, but she trusted that it was beautiful even though to her it was probably just a blurred image of white.   This is how I see my life now, a blurred image of white that I'm trusting will be beautiful in the hands of God no matter the outcome.  

On another note we are getting really excited about the baby!  I will be 35 weeks friday!  I've had two babies at 35 weeks, one at 38 and the others were induced at 37,  and 39.  So it's anytime after friday!!  I am praying though that I will make it at least to 36 weeks. Since I am seeing a midwife they will not be able to be with me in labor unless I am at least 36 weeks!  I do believe this is the first baby I've had so far that I've not been extremely anxious for the pregnancy to be over.  I've, for the most part, enjoyed being pregnant this time around.  I've been nesting like crazy, part of it is what I talked about above with the whole "take care of what I already have" and leave the rest up to God thing, but a lot is nesting as well!  Here are some photos of things I've made and the organization I've accomplished the last few week in preparation for the new baby!  I've been in Organization Heaven!!!   

Our Medications
 Our Spice Cabinet
 Our Sugar, Flour, Oatmeal
 The girls hair things
 Our homeschool supplies
 Coloring books and Crayons
 Homemade Dishwashing detergent, Orange Multi-purpose Cleaner, Laundry Detergent, and Fabrid Softner!
 New Born hat
   Hats for the girls! 

And there is lots more not pictured!  I wish I had this nesting urge all the time!!!