Friday, March 28, 2014


Most parents biggest fear for their children is that they will make the same mistakes that you did!  I know that is one of mine!!  That is why our children will not be allowed to date!

I know this is a foreign subject to a lot of people, and most won't agree with me and others will think I'm crazy for this, (so did I when I first heard about it); however, it makes so much sense to me now!

I spent my teen years and half of my 20's, trying to figure out WHO I WAS!!  I had no idea who I was, what I was worth, or where I was going in life.  My main focus was finding someone who loved me and being a wife.  That was the only thing I knew I wanted in life because that meant I was going to be loved forever.  I always either had a boyfriend through school, or was chasing after someone to be my boyfriend.  I spent hours crying over feeling unwanted by boys who didn't like me, being broken up with, or just daydreaming what it would be like to hold someone's hand or be kissed.  I remember laying in my room watching "Saved by the Bell" and having day dreams of what it would be like to have a boyfriend like that!  I spent way too much time wishing for things that didn't matter!  I had no concept of being equally-yoked with someone; I didn't grow up in Church and the whole "only date someone who is also a Christian" idea was a good one to me, but I didn't get why till later.   Because of this problem I had, I was not a good student, and I found my self-worth in what others thought of me.  This left me to be a very unhappy and emotional teenager and young adult.  If someone didn't like me back, there must have been something wrong with me!

I never thought about how this affected my life until I saw an episode on "The Duggars" that talked about courting and why they court and they don't date.  Every single reasoning made so much sense to me!!  It took me so long to figure out that my self-worth was not in what people though of me, but it was in what CHRIST thought of me!  It wasn't until I was 23 years old that I finally started to see who I was and what my life was really about!  I wasted at least 19 years of my life (my earliest memory of a boyfriend was 4) worrying about what I meant to other people, and mourning over why people didn't like me!  Those are precious years that I will never get back, that meant NOTHING, yet changed my life forever!

My children will not have boyfriends.  After careful thought I've realized that they are pointless in life!  I've been very careful that they do not watch television shows with kissing (unless married), or with teenagers in it who are dating or who "likes" each other.  Actually they are not allowed to watch any of the teen disney kid shows at all- most of them I've found the kids to be very disrespectful and we don't need that in our house.  We've chosen to limit this as well because I don't want my kids #1 aspiring to be like someone else and #2 having daydreams about what it would be like to kiss a boy.  Part of homeschooling allows our children to establish their own identities and figure out who they are apart from other children or comparing themselves to others.  Limiting their TV will also aid in this as well as not giving them a false hope for what real love is.

Dating as a teenager will only bring them heartbreak and allow them to establish a pattern of divorce (IMO).  Dating someone is really a simulation of being married in a milder form.  You are attracted to each other, you show affection- sometimes too much, you fight, you get tired of each other and then you break up.  All that energy and all your secrets you shared together are wasted!  You move on and get another boyfriend or girlfriend....and really what is the point.  What good does it do?  Gives you experience?  With what, walking away from things without fixing them?  Knowing how to be broken in life?  Knowing how to hold grudges of bitterness and resentment towards someone?  When I think of Ex-boyfriends that is what I remember, why we broke up and what they did to me to hurt me.  Those experiences could have been wiped from my life and it would have made things much easier for me.  My biggest problem was I did not want to wait for God to bring me the one he had for me, I wanted to find him myself and all it did was cause me heartache.  Once I finally let go of that area of my life and let God work, he brought me the most amazing man!  I could have never dreamed someone like him would love me!

 There are women and men in their 30's and 40's who are realizing that they never found who they were as a person because they were always wrapped up in their boyfriends or husbands and now that they are married they are divorcing so that they can experience the world!  That is a very sad reason!

Not having boyfriends will allow my children to focus on who they are in Christ.  Get to know Christ more intimately, be stronger women who will not need to have a man to feel like they can survive or are worth something (I'm not a feminist but it's good for them to be self-sufficient, you never know what may happen in life).  If my children become married and have found their self-worth in their husbands instead of Christ, it can be detrimental to their marriage.  Feeling like someone has to love you a certain way in order for you to feel good about yourself is not a realistic relationship.  This only puts pressure on their husbands to be something that they were not designed to be.  We are all human and we are incapable of loving like Christ.  Only God knows the type of love we need and Only God is able to provide that.

I don't believe I've ever talked to my family about the fact that our kids will not be dating, there have been times when they've asked them (which is normal) "do you have a boyfriend?" or "is he your boyfriend?" and they are like "no he is my friend."  They have no concept of what a boyfriend is right now at their young age and that is something that I am SO grateful for!!  They are able to be young and be children without having to worry about if they are good enough for other people!  What a wonderful gift to have in life.  I am so thankful my children are learning at a young age how to find their self-worth in Christ.  

When the time comes for us to address the whole dating issue, they will be told about how dating affected my own life.  Already we pray together that God is preparing their husbands for them and teaching them how to be Godly men.  When the right one comes along we will know it and they will be allowed to court them, but dating will not be an option for us.

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